Society has conditioned me to hate men

taken from my Instagram:  wheelchair_rapunzel

taken from my Instagram: wheelchair_rapunzel

Society has conditioned me to hate men.

Frequently, I get asked if I’m dating or in a relationship and I always have the same answer: no. For years, I’ve explored the potential reasons as to why I never date or have anything serious with a guy. In hindsight, any relationships I have had with guys have been somewhat toxic in nature. I’ve tried to dig deep into finding one solid answer that could solve the answer to all my guy problems, but there isn’t one. I’ve been comforted by the fact that it’s my choice that I’m single. But is it?

I’ve come to the conclusion that my inability to date guys is partly due to the fact that society has conditioned me to hate men. I say partly because I also never wash my hair and still think farts are funny.

We learn from behaviors that we are taught through conditioning. I’ve been conditioned to hate men AND... here’s the kicker: guys have been conditioned to think I’m undateable. With that being said, I should probably just buy a cat, name it Carl, and give up dating forever, right?

Growing up, I went through the normal crush phases we all go through. I flirted with boys, they flirted back. I’ve always been a very confident person, so interacting with boys was pretty normal for me. The majority of my interactions with boys never went past flirting, though. I saw all my friends entering relationships in high school and hanging out with their boyfriends all the time and there was me— listening to angsty music or playing Grand Theft Auto with my Justin Bieber style side-bangs. (total 90’s kid)

In part, I think this was because disability and relationships were hardly ever a thing in pop culture when I was a teen. Even now, disability + relationships are just starting to see representation (highly recommend watching Squirmy and Grubs YouTube channel). Teens’ actions are effected by the media on a daily basis and I wasn’t getting any representation in the media that reflected me being a person who could be datable. When disability did happen to get media attention, the focal point was how we’re “brave & special” or how we are innocent creatures who never leave the house. That sounds pretty appealing to date, doesn’t it?

I’ve been led on, dismissed, and tossed aside by guys.

Guys will dismiss me before even meeting me and they’ll instantly turn their attention to my able bodied friends, like I’m a second class citizen not worthy of their attention. They like me a little, but not enough to date. They’ll make out with me in a club but not call me the next day. They’ll call me pretty but as a friend. So, I decided to not care anymore. I’ve succumb to the fact that I resent how I’ve been represented in the media and treated by guys when I know I’m worthy of someone liking me for me and not being afraid to show it.

I’m tired of trying to show guys I can be in a normal relationship. I’m so tired. Because society has conditioned me to hate men.

I’m not going to add in reasons why disabled people are worthy of dating because honestly, it’s unnecessary. If you don’t have the common sense to know disabled people are people with dope attributes, I feel bad for you. If you can’t find a reason to see past simple minded attitudes that society has put out there about disability, then I don’t want to date a simple minded guy like you, anyway.

Thank you, next.

I also just realized that by writing this and shitting on guys that my narrow chances of getting a boyfriend substantially got more narrow.

Brb, going go buy Carl.

Instagram: wheelchair_rapunzel

Alex DzimitowiczComment