The untold truth: Why is Wheelchair Rapunzel single?
Sit back, grab some munchies, and bask your mind in this raw and nitty gritty blog about my disabled daddy issues.
I used to have an inferiority complex about the men I chose to “go for” and about being hopelessly single af.
I used to go for men that were “out of my league” and by go for I mean awkwardly eye sex them from across the room. I’ve been subconsciously trying to break disability stigmas with my, at times, inadvertent actions ever since I could remember.
a huge part of this was trying to show guys that i’m a normal person worthy of dating that just happens to sit pretty on my throne of metal bad bitch-ness.
Looking back, I think I was caught up in trying so hard to please guys and show them my disability isn’t everything, that it took away from letting my true personality shine. I think that misguided thought contributes largely to a question I’ve been getting asked frequently these days: do you have a boyfriend?
Another contributor to my hopelessly single status is that the men I go for are never right for me. My thought process when choosing a guy to be interested in is how close to Channing Tatum he appears to be.
no abs, no alex.
I learned after some soul searching that I do this because it’s not what society excepts. They don’t expect a wheelchair girl to be with the hottest guy around because of the large amount of stigma associated with disability and dating. I have propositioned the hottest guys in bars that I had massive crushes on for a sloppy dance floor makeout sesh & have succeeded on almost every occasion. The power that it gave me was a high that I rode throughout college and even now. The high wasn’t because the guy was particularly skilled in tongue baths, but because everyone saw ME, Alex, shamelessly reeling in the hottest guys in school. Now that I’ve matured & reflected, I realize how toxic this thought process is and how much power it holds over me and my ability to date people.
Another contributor to my singleness is self-esteem. As confident as I am, my self-esteem has taken massive hits from several different encounters with guys. I seem to have this weird effect on guys where they seem to be interested but don’t want to admit it or explore it. This is going to get raw so stay me. I had a pretty intimate thing with a guy in college, we basically were dating without the label because that’s how my generation is: dumb. He helped me with intimate things like going to the bathroom, getting in bed, etc. Eventually we engaged in intimate things and he told me not to tell anyone. So what did my rebellious and angsty teenage self do? Tell people. This guy bragged about sexual things in large groups frequently, so I knew it had to do with the fact that he wanted to conceal he did anything with the wheelchair girl. This one occurrence has had a hold on me for years. Another example is when I enter a bar with friends, on certain occasions, guys will ignore me and just talk to my able bodied friends.
in essence, casting me and my disabled gorg self aside, screw you very much.
This has made me lose hope that guys will try and get to know me and treat my disability for what it is: ONE part of me. While I have let these situations have power over me for years, I’m learning to let go.
I’ve only discovered these things in the past few weeks because guys are something I’ve always had a weird relationship with, so my mind usually takes the easy way out and decides it’s my disability that’s the problem. But, I decided to tackle this part of my life.
a lot of it is my own insecurities and pent up anger at society and the way society systematically desexualizes disability, making dating a challenge.
I don’t want to put in effort for guys, nor do I have any desire to be in a relationship right now. I’m taking time to respect my feelings in their validity by giving myself space to explore these feelings before I end up on a lifetime special: “Disabled girlfriend stabs boyfriend after he says ableist comment.” I promise I’m not the next disabled Jeffrey Dahmer, but I admit, that would be a cool yet unexpected plot twist.
I’m an open minded person with an open heart that’s full of love. I’m no longer hopelessly single.
i’m single and ready to... live my damn life.
Being single doesn’t make me unworthy, it makes me an independent boss bitch that’s a successful entrepreneur, advocate, and writer.
This was difficult to write something so personal and vulnerable, but I feel relieved. I feel like I can start to rebuild my thoughts about relationships and eventually channel my anger into a constructive space, which I’m already doing! I’m saying that I don’t need a man, but I’m beginning to be open to different types of guys and not just the Channing’s of the world. When I get wifed up, you’ll all be the first know, until then, thanks for the therapy session ❤️