People expect me to be a virgin

Hi! Great attention-getter, I know. Learned that shit in the third grade. Now let’s talk about sex — the reason you clicked this.

For the last few weeks, I’ve been thinking about sex A LOT. Why? Probably has something to do with the healthy dose of hormones I eloquently get injected into my thigh every three months in the form of birth control. Yes, it does make me a little bat shit, but it also allows me to write raw and needed things like this. 

Lose a little (sanity), gain a little (hormone induced epiphanies). It’s all about balance with pretty much anything in life, ya feel?

I have like a TED Talk amount to say about this subject matter, but I’ll try and keep it as brief and concise as my hormones will allow for this moment in time.

My title might be slightly contradictory to what I’m about to say — which is dope. Contradictions make for great points. I recently read that the idea of virginity is not real but it’s actually a social construct.  Which is great news, because people with disabilities and other groups are heavily stigmatized as being sexually inadequate or unable to have sex. With that being said, if virginity is a social construct that isn’t real, the stigma should vanish into thin air, right? Wrong. We need to give proper space to talk about disability and sex in order to better understand that the normative able-bodied idea of sex doesn’t give space for all bodies and types of sex. Virginity excludes many groups and after reading more about virginity being a social construct, I felt a huge sense of relief.

I’ve been doing a LOT of unlearning attitudes that have been embedded in my mind since I’ve been alive.

Until recently I’ve always felt self conscious about not having as much sexual experience as my friends and felt this underlying pressure to get some so that I can be included in the narrative of sex. I also feel an underlying pressure to add some tics in my sex list because of the stigma that comes along with being a “virgin” or someone who is inexperienced. People already expect me to be a virgin because I’m disabled — like medical professionals. I’ve encountered a few instances where I wasn’t asked about being sexually active or it was presumed I wasn’t at a doctors visit. Luckily, I’ve seen a huge shift in this damaging attitude. By luckily, I mean due to the tireless advocacy work that has been done by disability advocates.

I don’t care if people think I’m a virgin. I’m no longer adhering to the ancient and misogynistic ideals about virginity OR having sex that was set in place by society decades ago that has warped into this unhealthy status quo competition. Sex shouldn’t be a conquest or a possession. It’s not a physical object you can give someone to posses. Sex isn’t just the able-bodied idea of heterosexual penis-vaginal sex. It’s something to be enjoyed by BOTH people and something done together without a power or possession dynamic that helps us climb the latter of a arbitrary social status. That shit is lame.

Virginity is a social construct and so is the idea that disabled people aren’t sexually active. I’m no longer going to feel pressured to “get some” because that’s what’s socially acceptable. I’ll get some when I choose to because I want to out of love & respect for my body, not because I want to fit in.

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